I was best friends with Eve since 2nd grade. We did all kinds of silly things together and I really liked her as my friend. So in 6th grade I have this Russian language lesson and she's sitting beside me (we were still best friends). We are doing some exercises in the workbook and there's this one where you have to tell about your best friend in Russian. They were simple questions like name, age, hobbies and so on. Anyway I am about to write her name on the first line when I look into her workbook and see that she has written another girl's name there, one of my classmates. I felt horrible. I always thought of her as my best friend but obviously she did not. I was really embarrassed about thinking that I was her closest friend so I wrote down another girl's name, a girl she did not know, because I didn't have any other best friends, only classmates-friends.

So from then on I am really not open to anyone. Yeah, I have friends. But mostly I don't tell them how I feel or what I'm really thinking or what's bothering me. And they don't seem to care because we're just casual friends - somebody to spend time with.

I never feel lonely though. Honestly! I think I am one of those persons who doesn't feel lonely when they're alone.

I'm starting my junior year in high school (aka 11th grade) this fall by the way.

If you have an obligation towards someone you care but by fulfilling that obligation you will hurt very deeply someone you love with all your heart then shouldn't you choose not to fulfill the obligation and hurt the one you only care about but not love? Doesn't seeing your love suffer make you extremely sad? Why are people so irrational? Why can't they make the right decisions? I can't stand this world anymore.

I'm pissed. Why does being under 30 automatically makes you immature and stupid? AGH!

So I'm listening to the crazy music of Adam Lambert. Yeah, I'm a fan. Whatever. I can't vote anyway cause I don't live in US. Have you heard his live version of If I can't have you ? It's so heart wrenching. It seems so real - like he's crying while singing it
(internally, not literally). He's making the song better with his emotions. Whether he meant it or not. Amazing. I admire him for all his accomplishments. Every week he has great performances with positive feedback from ALL the judges.

Did you hear about David Cook's brother? I can't imagine how his family must feel right now. I realized that I've never been close to anyone who's died that way. I can't even place one person that I know that has some kind of irreversible disease. And I am feeling glad because of it. I can't and don't want to image what it would feel like. Yeah, I've been to funerals (two, exactly), but that was anticipated as those people were very old and ready to move on. It seems so unreal.

Can't anything last forever?

Thank you! I'm feeling a lot better now.
I just realized that I have nobody close to me that I feel comfortable talking to. Oh, God, I'm such a loner. But I sort of sort of like it. I always try to fully enjoy the time I have alone with no one disturbing me. I wish those moments would be longer.

Since watching Lost I gradually came to realize how incredible the series are. Every episode is amazing with it's complex stories about seemingly ordinary and random people. I can't get enough of it. This is one of the TV shows I could watch for days without stopping. It just never get's boring. I love it that always it shows different sides of each situations. I'm one of those people who just has to know everything.

We are talking about a lot philosophical things in literature and recently we talked about Cicero’s Six Mistakes of Man. And now I can't seem to shake it out of my head. I just see those mistakes all the time everywhere. So I got bored today and couldn't decide what to watch and I found America's Next Top Model. So I'm watching it and one of the girls is talking about how she's gonna crush the others to win. Helloo!!! Mistake number 1 - The delusion that personal gain is made by crushing others. It's just so spot on.

My sister says that everybody's crazy. And the ones that think they're not are the craziest. And the ones that claim to be crazy and different are just the same as every other person, trying to be somebody they're not.

Talking about crazy - Adam Lambert has some crazy vocals going for him. I hope he's going to win because he's the best this year, making every week's performance more original. Gay or not - he is It. At first I didn't like anybody but later I realized that all I did was fast forward all the others watching only Adam fully. I couldn't wait for him the rest of the week (after wednesdays) trying to figure what and how he's going to do. I am fascinated with him.

I realized that one of my favorite movies is Walk the Line. No matter how many times I watch it I always cry.
The Office is such a great series. I love the subtle romance side of it. How real the love between Pam and Jim seems.

Hi, guys!

This is charming_jen. I changed my username to addictedjen. So if we were friends before feel free to add me and I'll add you back. If you want to add me even if we weren't friends before feel free to add me anyways. Just comment on this entry so I can add you back.

-Jen

I dislike desperate women. You know the ones that can't stand to be alone/without a man so when one dumps them they turn to the next one in line. Here's news for you women - you don't need men to survive. They're not air, water or food.

I dislike revenge of any kind. I mean what is the point of revenge anyway? You're only being extremely selfish by doing it. Because most of the occasions there's nothing you can change. And there is no need to ruin other people lives too. Think about the source of your motivation. You  think you didn't deserve the things that happened to you or people close to you? Well there's my point - who are you to decide whether other people deserve the same things.

I hate people who claim they're in love. Say each other "I love you" all the time when they don't mean it. It just totally changes the meaning of the word love. How can I know whether it's love that I feel or just strong affection? What if it's not even strong affection, how can I know if I've never felt anything stronger though others have? Better not to say the words at all.

Now think hard and tell me when have you seen love in real life like we read in books. I couldn't find a couple in my mind. How can I believe in something I have never seen in my life? It's the same thing with God. I might believe in him but I'm not sure because I don't have any proof.

Does wondering about these kind of things make me a philosopher? I just never seem to understand the meaning of that word.
And why the hell am I so insecure to voice my ideas and thoughts to other people. Like in literature class I want to say something but I'm afraid my classmates will just laugh at me for my ridiculous opinion or lack there of.

I sometimes wonder how was it like to live in 19th century. I just find something peaceful about that time when I see it in the movies or read about it.

I'm also extremely frustrated and want to turn back time. Do you know anyone who can help me with that? Seriously, can I go back to the summer of 2005 with all my memories fron now days? I wish it could be possible.

I hate life. I hate to live.
I know that life isn't easy but come on does it have to be that hard? Can't it be somewhere in the midlle?

I hate following people's orders. I hate being pushed to do something all the time. I hate when people give you ultimatums. I'm not a doctor so nobody's gonna die if I do it a little bit later. I hate when people say that if I won't do something they will take something away. I hate that life is unfair - I know, that's old news, but shouldn't there be some balance? Give this world some sense. Why do bad things happen to good people and (almost) never to the ones that do bad/forbidden things? Why do people like to make others life's harder? Why do I feel pain? Why do I feel at all? What's the meaning of our lives? After all at the end it's over. No matter what you do there comes a time where you are dead. No more here. Yeah, we all hope to be in heaven. But what if after this unfair and hard life we go to hell?

Life is hard, unfair, meaningless.

I am so excited for Twilight. I just found out that the movie will come out for us only 7 days later than in the USA.
November 28 - Latvia!

I am sort of addicted toTwilight fanfics. lol. When I finish one I search for another one. I hate the ones with Jacob though - no matter who he is, Bella's friend or boyfriend or whoever. And I hate the absolutely unrealistic fanfics where everything goes against Bella's character. For example I found this one fanfic where Bella is married with Mike. I mean, come on,she would never even date him. And others where she is being hit by her boyfriend (who is usually Jacob, Mike or James :D) and can't stand up to them, that is so not her because in the books she is always trying to be more independent and saying to everyone how she can protect herself. Those kind of fanfics just annoy me. I even in faniction.net search put the word Jacob in the box "without the words" .

The holidays are almost over. Only one more day. Boo hoo. I miss my freedom already. Ugh. And I still haven't don e homework.
+ I am a total computer addict. I just can't seem to put my laptop down. Every night I go to sleep later and later. Especially in the school-free days. Like tonight I went to sleep 8.30AM. No kidding. And wake up 3PM because my dad was calling to say that he was on his way home and I had to help his brother with his website.

Talking of websites - check out mine unlimited-photos.com
I know it's a stupid promotion but anyway..

See you later.. or probably not cause I live in Riga, Latvia, Europe, Earth :D

BTW, I'm currently reading The Inevitable by Endlessly Drowning

So I went to a book store today and they had some new books in english delivered (I live in a non-english speaking country). And I finally bought Wuthering Heights! So I'm gonna read it now!

Oh, and guess what book I saw there? Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer. I've never seen any of the Twilight saga books in this country ever in any bookstore. So I was pretty thrilled about it. But of course I didn't have money so I asked my dad. But he told me that he won't buy me such an expensive book (everything that goes over $5 is expensive to him). So now I'll have to save some money.

I've read the book though, but only through my laptop. Oh, wait.. didn't I tell you that I got my own laptop? It's HP Pavilion. I'm having some problems with wireless connections but I'll live :D

+ I finally watched the Notebook. It's a great movie. Yes, I cried in some places. That made me in a reading mood so I downloaded some novels by Nicholas Sparks. I read A Walk to Remember. I've seen the movie and it was great, but I have to say the book was better. I cried in lots of places reading it. It was magic.

Right now I'm re-reading Pride and Prejudice. I think I'm having a classic book phase or something. lol.

Talk to you later, I guess.

Ahhh! I hate Mozilla Firefox for deleting my bookmarks.
It was updating as usual and when it opens there's no bookmarks. C'mon I can't remember all the sites I consider useful!

Last night girls weren't as good as guys on American Idol. Despite the fact it was Mariah Carey week. And now I'm sure it's gonna be a David vs. David finale, which I can't wait to see cause I love them both<3

American Idol is tomorrow! Woohoo!

School
I had a test in english today about conditionals (0., 1., 2. and 3.). Piece of cake, I finished it 20 minutes before the lesson ended so I got to go home earlier :)

Random
Why does everyone think that in USA the next day is sooner than in the other side of the world.
Well, it's not.
I live in GMT+2 and my day comes sooner than in USA (any of the time zones).
Right now my clock shows that it's 4:18PM while USA (central) is only 8:18AM.

Have you seen the new American Idol music video. It's so hot.. I mean David Archuleta looks so hot in it. He seems to have really nice biceps <3
Here's some super sexy photos of him--

  
Click on them to see bigger. Stupid photos weren't working. But I uploaded them again.

Random:
OMG! I was watching some videos on youtube and accidentally came across this one - http://youtube.com/watch?v=LoBdt9L_DPA

It's Mariah Carey's music video We belong together. And, guess who's in it??? WENTWORTH MILLER (if you're wondering who's that then you should know that he's Michael from Prison Break)!
He's was also in her It's like that music video. At the end he comes in with a mask (so hot).

TV:
And the Office is finally back. Yesterday's episode was great & so funny.

American Idol:
Aren't you guys shocked that Michael was eliminated?! He was my 2nd fav after Archuleta. That is so unfair - because there are less talented people still in the competition. I won't say names cause I don't want to offend anyone.

Movies:
I recently went to a movie I can't remember name of. That's not the point. It was a "scary movie". And I was laughing through it. Don't you guys always wonder why all the ghosts/phantoms etc. are moving their heads so slowly?! LOL!

I'm obsessed with American Idol - my favorite is (of course) David Archuleta. He is not only handsome and cute but also he has the best voice I've ever heard. And he sang The Long and Winding Road amazing - like Simon said it was masterclass:D I wish I'd live in USA cause then I could vote for him!

If David Archuleta is your favorite too please vote. Because he is not safe if you don't. I've heard people saying that they're gonna vote for other AI contestants because David is already safe cause he did so good. But if everybody thinks so then nobody's voting for him.

Please, vote for David Archuleta every week on American Idol! Nobody's safe if you don't vote , no matter how great they've performed.

So I check my e-mail as usual and there it is. An e-mail from lj that I have a new comment on my entry. Well since then I decided to come back here.

SO...

I'm back at lj! I haven't been here forever. I think I'm gonna participate in some icon/graphic competitions. I miss those.

So what I've been doing all this time?!.. Well, I was running my website unlimited-Photos.com. Check it out and tell others. I also gained some html and php experience! Though I still don't understand all those php functions :D

I made a new banner and I changed some colors for layout CSS so it would look good with the banner. Check it out. The banner's with Hiro Nakamura (a.k.a. Masi Oka).

-Jennifer

I had the most fantastic dream ever. In that dream I had everything I want. And I'm not talking about things, I'm talking about people and feelings. But I guess there's a reason we call them dreams. And I can't have everything I want.

Now, I'm going to dream again. And I hope I will dream about it again:)

Who saw the new Heroes ep? Well, I did. And I would love to have so many Peter/Milo pics as Nathan had :D

And I'm downloading Smallville's new ep right now. Cause I can't watch it on TV.

And I got the best present ever!!! My friend gave me a mega-big poster/sticker with a promo from Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix movie. I am so happy!!! :D

THE OFFICE WATCHERS - does Pam get together with Jim at the end of the 3rd season?

Haven't been here a long time.
Well.. I just bought two Jane Austin's books that I haven't read yet - 'Emma' and 'Mansfield Park'
I'm now reading 'Mystery House' by Polly Hobson. Has anyone else read it? Just curious.

I am starting to love Smallville. I even made my website with Tom Welling. He's really cute<3 Check it out here. And wait some seconds cause the pictures in banner are changing:)